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WOW! This is amazing! Your description of the invisibility and loneliness is (synonym for amazing). Though there are a lot of stories like this, your's was to the point and can be taken metaphorically or literally. Your technique was great, your rythem had a nice flow and didn't clash with other words or phrases. I got a terrific impact from this because I think we all feel this way sometimes, that our needs(or feelings) are invisible to others around us and need(or want) to be heard by just about anyone. This was an awesome poem. I REALLY enjoyed reading this.
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